A beautiful, heart-rending post. The last part was really poignant. Death is such a huge and difficult topic that often it is hard for people to be there (I'm thinking more like friends, etc), but the power of having someone just hold you, physically, metaphorically, or even just check-in with you, is very powerful. I'm glad you had such a great support in Fraser and I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
Thank you for this piece. My husband lost his father in 2020 and I was so lost when it came to supporting him. Your advice was spot on and will without a doubt help people.
Hey Sascha, So sorry for your husband's loss, and yours. I think it's a topic that's not often enough to discussed, yet something that everyone must face. I'm glad we could help in some way.
Thank you Sascha. Indeed the intent of writing this was hoping it may help someone, anyone even slightly when they encounter this heart wrenching situation
I feel so sad for you. At the same time, it warms my heart to see how strong and united you are as a couple in such a difficult moment.
A couple of years ago, my father was admitted to intensive care after a heart attack. I wasn’t as far as you are, Kaila, but that weekend, several strikes were happening in France. I couldn't get to Italy to see him.
Sure, someone might say I could have just waited for the first available flight or train. But no one could tell me if waiting meant I would still find my father alive.
So my husband drove me to the first Italian city where I could catch a train, and in less than 10 hours, I was by my father’s side.
He recovered, thankfully — but since then, every time the phone rings, I feel every single kilometer of distance.
Oh my love. Tears over this 😭. It's such a powerful emotion, this feeling of having a loved one in need and struggling to get to them in time. It's horrible. I'm sorry you had to bear it. Thank God your papa was okay in the end.
What a powerful perspective on such a horrible time. My husband was an incredible support to me when my father passed, though I can’t say I look forward to returning the favor. Thank you both for sharing your pain so openly, it helps give others permission to feel their own.
Yes I don't look forward to returning my favour either, Gillian. 😔 It makes the pain feel purposeful to be able to turn it into something useful to share with others. And that's a big thing. 🙏
I'm glad you both right about it from your different perspectives, and what apply for Frasier to lose such a beloved relative so close to your own loss 💔
What a beautiful story and a great example of partnership. It really is so meaningful when someone can just show up without trying to fix anything or make it better.
This is a beautifully written and touching piece. You're so lucky to have each other.
This is crazy to think, but I've so far had little in the way of personal losses, whether with me or my partners over the years. I lost my grandmother in 2006 and that was tough since I was living with her at the time and we very close, and I didn't have a partner at the time. Having one would have helped for sure, but I did find that some of my friends were incredibly supportive.
I remember back in university, just after my first year, a close friend lost her older sister in a tragic accident. I called her to offer my condolences but I had no idea what to say. Instead, she talked to me for over an hour, pouring her heart out, trying to process and I just listened. I felt so useless and couldn't find any words to say other than mumbling 'I'm so sorry, I wish I knew what to say...' over and over. And my friend just went on and on.
She later told me that this was the most beneficial (is that the right word? I'm looking for a different one - therapeutic? cathartic?) conversation she had after her sister died. She said the fact that someone was just willing to listen without feeling the need to constantly interject and say things to make her feel better was what she needed. She appreciated the support from everyone, but too many of her friends were trying to explain things and console her and she said all she needed was the chance to get everything off her chest, uninterrupted, to have a sympathetic listener.
So sometimes just being there for someone, without even saying a word, can be the best medicine.
That's just it! Just someone willing to sit in the muck with you, fully understanding and admitting that they do not and cannot understand your pain, is just what you need sometimes.
"So I kept asking myself: Do you understand? Can you understand? Can you really put yourself in her shoes? And every time those questions crept in, I told myself I could. But if I’m honest, I was never fully able."... isn’t this what we need from anyone, especially the people who love us most? Just asking the question is everything. The desire. The effort. The humility. The devotion. To understand. Sometimes my husband gets into a bad mood when he is trying to support me. He hates feeling helpless. He needs to fix. But we cannot fix anybody, not even the person we are closest to. This is not our role or responsibility. don’t even believe that we can ever perfectly either. True love understands imperfection.
Fraser did real good. Great. Perfect. And Kaila, you deserve this. Sometimes the most difficult part of being supported is allowing someone to completely support you. Love to your beautiful family. Love to you. 💕
My husband lost his mom a week before our planned marriage....I sent out the "stop all" messages to my family and cried with him. She was the most important person in his life....before me he had always lived in the family home and taken care of her and his disabled brother....then I came along...I felt guilty...but knew there was no reason...it was just so hard to see the grief....and trying to be there (especially in a different culture)....I cant imagine his pain....but I remember this past year...8 years past...on his mom's passing I bought him a simple chocolate...something she had always done for us....it cost 5 cents...he smiled and cried....its about being the best you can be for someone else...
A beautiful, heart-rending post. The last part was really poignant. Death is such a huge and difficult topic that often it is hard for people to be there (I'm thinking more like friends, etc), but the power of having someone just hold you, physically, metaphorically, or even just check-in with you, is very powerful. I'm glad you had such a great support in Fraser and I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
Thank you Jayne. That's right, having a person you can count on during these situations is everything. ❤️
Hi Jayne. Thank you for your kind words. It helps when you know others can relate and understand these impossible moments. Thanks you truly
Oh gosh, you’re so welcome. Thank you for writing about your experience for others to gain strength from ❤️
Thank you for this piece. My husband lost his father in 2020 and I was so lost when it came to supporting him. Your advice was spot on and will without a doubt help people.
Hey Sascha, So sorry for your husband's loss, and yours. I think it's a topic that's not often enough to discussed, yet something that everyone must face. I'm glad we could help in some way.
Thank you Sascha. Indeed the intent of writing this was hoping it may help someone, anyone even slightly when they encounter this heart wrenching situation
I feel so sad for you. At the same time, it warms my heart to see how strong and united you are as a couple in such a difficult moment.
A couple of years ago, my father was admitted to intensive care after a heart attack. I wasn’t as far as you are, Kaila, but that weekend, several strikes were happening in France. I couldn't get to Italy to see him.
Sure, someone might say I could have just waited for the first available flight or train. But no one could tell me if waiting meant I would still find my father alive.
So my husband drove me to the first Italian city where I could catch a train, and in less than 10 hours, I was by my father’s side.
He recovered, thankfully — but since then, every time the phone rings, I feel every single kilometer of distance.
Oh my love. Tears over this 😭. It's such a powerful emotion, this feeling of having a loved one in need and struggling to get to them in time. It's horrible. I'm sorry you had to bear it. Thank God your papa was okay in the end.
What a powerful perspective on such a horrible time. My husband was an incredible support to me when my father passed, though I can’t say I look forward to returning the favor. Thank you both for sharing your pain so openly, it helps give others permission to feel their own.
Yes I don't look forward to returning my favour either, Gillian. 😔 It makes the pain feel purposeful to be able to turn it into something useful to share with others. And that's a big thing. 🙏
Precisely, using it to reflect, grow, and share is an excellent tribute to your mother. ❤️
Thank you. My condolences for you dear Papa, Gillian ❤️
I'm glad you both right about it from your different perspectives, and what apply for Frasier to lose such a beloved relative so close to your own loss 💔
Yeah it was an impossible situation. Thanks Nadine ❤️ it's so helpful to use writing as a therapy during times like this.
My heart goes out to both of you writers 🩵
What a beautiful story and a great example of partnership. It really is so meaningful when someone can just show up without trying to fix anything or make it better.
So agreed. And thank you, Emily.
This is a beautifully written and touching piece. You're so lucky to have each other.
This is crazy to think, but I've so far had little in the way of personal losses, whether with me or my partners over the years. I lost my grandmother in 2006 and that was tough since I was living with her at the time and we very close, and I didn't have a partner at the time. Having one would have helped for sure, but I did find that some of my friends were incredibly supportive.
I remember back in university, just after my first year, a close friend lost her older sister in a tragic accident. I called her to offer my condolences but I had no idea what to say. Instead, she talked to me for over an hour, pouring her heart out, trying to process and I just listened. I felt so useless and couldn't find any words to say other than mumbling 'I'm so sorry, I wish I knew what to say...' over and over. And my friend just went on and on.
She later told me that this was the most beneficial (is that the right word? I'm looking for a different one - therapeutic? cathartic?) conversation she had after her sister died. She said the fact that someone was just willing to listen without feeling the need to constantly interject and say things to make her feel better was what she needed. She appreciated the support from everyone, but too many of her friends were trying to explain things and console her and she said all she needed was the chance to get everything off her chest, uninterrupted, to have a sympathetic listener.
So sometimes just being there for someone, without even saying a word, can be the best medicine.
That's just it! Just someone willing to sit in the muck with you, fully understanding and admitting that they do not and cannot understand your pain, is just what you need sometimes.
"So I kept asking myself: Do you understand? Can you understand? Can you really put yourself in her shoes? And every time those questions crept in, I told myself I could. But if I’m honest, I was never fully able."... isn’t this what we need from anyone, especially the people who love us most? Just asking the question is everything. The desire. The effort. The humility. The devotion. To understand. Sometimes my husband gets into a bad mood when he is trying to support me. He hates feeling helpless. He needs to fix. But we cannot fix anybody, not even the person we are closest to. This is not our role or responsibility. don’t even believe that we can ever perfectly either. True love understands imperfection.
Fraser did real good. Great. Perfect. And Kaila, you deserve this. Sometimes the most difficult part of being supported is allowing someone to completely support you. Love to your beautiful family. Love to you. 💕
Exactly. I think being able to be honest and admit our shortcomings and inability during these impossible times is the only way to handle them.
My husband lost his mom a week before our planned marriage....I sent out the "stop all" messages to my family and cried with him. She was the most important person in his life....before me he had always lived in the family home and taken care of her and his disabled brother....then I came along...I felt guilty...but knew there was no reason...it was just so hard to see the grief....and trying to be there (especially in a different culture)....I cant imagine his pain....but I remember this past year...8 years past...on his mom's passing I bought him a simple chocolate...something she had always done for us....it cost 5 cents...he smiled and cried....its about being the best you can be for someone else...
That's so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes too 😭. I'm sorry for your husband's loss, and yours ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss
Thank you Brittany ❤️