Moved to Portugal with my husband and 2 dogs 11 months ago and every word here resonated. It has not been easy for a multitude of reasons. We’ve endured some real hardships since leaving, the worst of which was our 19yo daughter being found unconscious in her apartment in the U.S. and being rushed to the ER just 2 months after we arrived in Portugal.
We had to fly home not knowing if she’d be alive when we landed. Longest. Flight. Ever. I spent the entire 10 hours berating myself and every choice we made to move; for being so selfish to leave. She spent a week in Neuro ICU with a brain infection, and had to learn to eat, talk, and walk all over again. But she ended up walking out of the hospital (a miracle, all her doctors said).
Portugal was a blessing because once her Drs gave her permission to fly, we brought her back with us to spend 6 weeks here recovering with amazing medical care and therapy, healthy food, fresh air, a slow pace of life (which she needed for recovery) all at very little cost. And now she’s back at college, knowing she has a safe place to live with us should the U.S. continue to remove her rights and she needs to get out.
Even with all of that trauma, I don’t regret our move. It’s true—being an immigrant doesn’t break you, it stretches you and shows you just how strong you can be in the face of adversity. In the best way possible.
Good lord!! Your story gave me goosebumps. Poor you guys. Having had to now make 2 emergency trips from Thailand to Mexico to be with my dying parents (first dad, then mom last week), I can say I've been on that flight, though I can't imagine for my child — that would definitely be the hardest thing ever (and longest flight, I get it).
May I know your name? I subscribed to your blog just now and your TikTok, look forward to reading your posts.
I'm SO glad to hear the second half of the story about your daughter's recovery in Portugal. What a beautiful ending. And must have been somewhat vindicating also after all that beating yourselves up you did! ❤️
You're absolutely right Kaila. I can't imagine being stuck on Vancouver Island, a place wheres lot of folks would love to live. It's beautiful, that's for sure, but after travelling the world ,working for an airline, your Dad and I knew there was more and we wanted it. Yes, we've been through a lot here in Central Mexico and there are often times where I long for "home", where things work and going to a supermarket is one stop shopping. But I wouldn't change anything except, of course, losing my husband of 40 years. That was and is a tough go. But, here I remain, cancer treatment and all. I love the Mexican mañana and 'ni modo"... nothing to be done about it, so just shut up. I love all the fiestas, especially the one around death and dying...The Day of the Dead. Such a healthy approach! So, here I am and here I will stay, trying to see beauty and laughter in every day.
More people (and let's get real here, white people with passport privilege) need to talk more about how immigrating somewhere new isn't all sunshine and roses! Let's hope this conversation you started here reaps some great results and gives people a balanced perspective on what moving out of your home country can look like.
Agreed, and I intend to expand the conversation about the difference between being an expat and a migrant and an immigrant and the requisite passport privileges. Excellent point, Jenny!
Kaila, this was one of the best newsletters that I have seen anyone write on this topic. Everything you say really resonated with me. I have moved abroad a number of times in my life and am currently planning my next move. I do sometimes wonder if it selfish. Especially right now - I am about to have my first child and I know it would break my mom's heart for me to take her grandchild to a different country. But then again, I ask myself the question that you pose here and I always have such clear answers. I know I would regret it so much more to stay where I am right now than to move. I have never regretted a move and am positive that I won't need in the future. Because what do I really have to lose?
Trust me darling, if you will move and have a better life for your child and yourself, your mother will understand!! So glad to hear that the post resonated with you. ❤️
I actually like the split for a variety of reasons. My time here vs there is quite different. But if the US continues to devolve, I could change my mind! I look forward to reading more of your work!
This is all great for people with passport privilege but I have friends with what are considered to be the worst passports in the world and they don't have the privilege to just move. Also nobody is talking about how people with western incomes moving into countries with extremely low wages displaces locals and hikes up rents making it unaffordable for local people, thereby displacing them. Another thing I'd add is are you willing to learn the language? Nothing is more hateful and entitled than anglophone enclaves who refuse to integrate.
I love this article, thank you for sharing. I’ve just subscribed, after reading it I’m to intrigued not to. Question #3) Are you afraid of change or staying the same set off a light bulb 💡 for me. I’ve always felt I wanted something different than where I was from. And I still feel like I haven’t received it. So hopefully now that I’ve subscribed to this network it will encourage me to seek what I’ve been searching for. Because I want freedom from the script I’ve been handed.
I’m from the US and I’ve always wanted to live in Mexico 🇲🇽 although I’ve haven’t visited many cities there. Only Tijuana, Cozumel, and Ensenada. I feel I like the culture. I’ve also considered Canada 🇨🇦 the UK 🇬🇧 and Italy 🇮🇹. Never been to either, I just like what I see from here.
Well, mainly I would say finances. I don’t have anything saved to relocate out the country and I still have another 7 years before retirement. So I figured if I stated trying to save now, and maybe go visit a few of the locations I mentioned just to get a feel, then I can make a decision as to where I think I might want to be. I don’t want to have to look for employment abroad. Unless I start my own business before retirement.
From Utah to Arizona to Texas to Oregon, Washington, then all the way Rhode Island (best food!), then down the East Coast, down to Florida, back up to Rhode Island, back to Florida, then Texas, then Oregon, Washington, and South Dakota, back to Texas, then back to Oregon, then Washington, then back to Texas. It took 3 1/2 years.
I’ve been in France for almost 22 years and many of my friends and family think I live a charmed life. 😂 It’s a wonderful life, but full of challenges and frustration. And such joy. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I really enjoyed reading your perspective. Thank you.
I lived in a village of 400 people in the Languedoc Roussillon for 8 years, then in Bayeux in Normandy for a few years and have been in Paris for the last 10 years.
I love the honesty of this. Whenever I tell people back in the UK that I live in Italy they think I am living a dream. Many things are better here, (some worse), and I miss my family back home, but it's reality, not a dream. Where is your husband from in Scotland? My husband is Scottish too!
None of this applys to most elderly Americans. We are stuck. The government is threatening to steal our livelihood. I feel like I've been locked in a basement, and I don't know if I will ever be let out, or if anyone will feed me. It's dark in here.
I fell in love with Lisbon and Porto (Portugal) a couple of years ago, but only spent a few days there. I'm planning to go back and see if this is just "vacation infatuation" or a deeper 'nudge' from the cosmos. :) Ideally, I'd love to find a smaller town to live in that still has relatively easy access to one of those larger cities. I live in a small town now, and really enjoy a lower pace of life.
Moved to Portugal with my husband and 2 dogs 11 months ago and every word here resonated. It has not been easy for a multitude of reasons. We’ve endured some real hardships since leaving, the worst of which was our 19yo daughter being found unconscious in her apartment in the U.S. and being rushed to the ER just 2 months after we arrived in Portugal.
We had to fly home not knowing if she’d be alive when we landed. Longest. Flight. Ever. I spent the entire 10 hours berating myself and every choice we made to move; for being so selfish to leave. She spent a week in Neuro ICU with a brain infection, and had to learn to eat, talk, and walk all over again. But she ended up walking out of the hospital (a miracle, all her doctors said).
Portugal was a blessing because once her Drs gave her permission to fly, we brought her back with us to spend 6 weeks here recovering with amazing medical care and therapy, healthy food, fresh air, a slow pace of life (which she needed for recovery) all at very little cost. And now she’s back at college, knowing she has a safe place to live with us should the U.S. continue to remove her rights and she needs to get out.
Even with all of that trauma, I don’t regret our move. It’s true—being an immigrant doesn’t break you, it stretches you and shows you just how strong you can be in the face of adversity. In the best way possible.
Good lord!! Your story gave me goosebumps. Poor you guys. Having had to now make 2 emergency trips from Thailand to Mexico to be with my dying parents (first dad, then mom last week), I can say I've been on that flight, though I can't imagine for my child — that would definitely be the hardest thing ever (and longest flight, I get it).
May I know your name? I subscribed to your blog just now and your TikTok, look forward to reading your posts.
I'm SO glad to hear the second half of the story about your daughter's recovery in Portugal. What a beautiful ending. And must have been somewhat vindicating also after all that beating yourselves up you did! ❤️
You're absolutely right Kaila. I can't imagine being stuck on Vancouver Island, a place wheres lot of folks would love to live. It's beautiful, that's for sure, but after travelling the world ,working for an airline, your Dad and I knew there was more and we wanted it. Yes, we've been through a lot here in Central Mexico and there are often times where I long for "home", where things work and going to a supermarket is one stop shopping. But I wouldn't change anything except, of course, losing my husband of 40 years. That was and is a tough go. But, here I remain, cancer treatment and all. I love the Mexican mañana and 'ni modo"... nothing to be done about it, so just shut up. I love all the fiestas, especially the one around death and dying...The Day of the Dead. Such a healthy approach! So, here I am and here I will stay, trying to see beauty and laughter in every day.
Good for you, Mom. Such a great attitude.
More people (and let's get real here, white people with passport privilege) need to talk more about how immigrating somewhere new isn't all sunshine and roses! Let's hope this conversation you started here reaps some great results and gives people a balanced perspective on what moving out of your home country can look like.
Agreed, and I intend to expand the conversation about the difference between being an expat and a migrant and an immigrant and the requisite passport privileges. Excellent point, Jenny!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply, Kaila!
Kaila, this was one of the best newsletters that I have seen anyone write on this topic. Everything you say really resonated with me. I have moved abroad a number of times in my life and am currently planning my next move. I do sometimes wonder if it selfish. Especially right now - I am about to have my first child and I know it would break my mom's heart for me to take her grandchild to a different country. But then again, I ask myself the question that you pose here and I always have such clear answers. I know I would regret it so much more to stay where I am right now than to move. I have never regretted a move and am positive that I won't need in the future. Because what do I really have to lose?
Trust me darling, if you will move and have a better life for your child and yourself, your mother will understand!! So glad to hear that the post resonated with you. ❤️
Yesss!
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! I look forward to reading more of your content.
I retired three years ago and now split my time between NYC and Sicily. You can read my story on Wisdom She Wrote.
I hope you’ll read & follow!
https://open.substack.com/pub/wisdomshewrote/p/from-dreams-to-a-living-reality-palermo?r=8sqi0&utm_medium=ios
Oh thank you so much for sharing Francine! I'll save this and read it shortly!
Do you have plans to continue splitting your time, or are you feeling like Sicily might be a more permanent place for you?
I actually like the split for a variety of reasons. My time here vs there is quite different. But if the US continues to devolve, I could change my mind! I look forward to reading more of your work!
I get that! And yes, I agree, a split can be nice. I look forward to getting to know more about you and your life, Francine!
Ditto!!! Maybe we can even rendezvous in person in Spain or Sicily one day!
We must!
This is all great for people with passport privilege but I have friends with what are considered to be the worst passports in the world and they don't have the privilege to just move. Also nobody is talking about how people with western incomes moving into countries with extremely low wages displaces locals and hikes up rents making it unaffordable for local people, thereby displacing them. Another thing I'd add is are you willing to learn the language? Nothing is more hateful and entitled than anglophone enclaves who refuse to integrate.
Yes I agree with your points, Sarah. I'll plan out a post on this very under discussed topic.
I love this article, thank you for sharing. I’ve just subscribed, after reading it I’m to intrigued not to. Question #3) Are you afraid of change or staying the same set off a light bulb 💡 for me. I’ve always felt I wanted something different than where I was from. And I still feel like I haven’t received it. So hopefully now that I’ve subscribed to this network it will encourage me to seek what I’ve been searching for. Because I want freedom from the script I’ve been handed.
Hey Gracie, I'm so glad that this article spoke to you and has inspired you also! That was definitely the point of writing it.
Whereabouts in the world are you right now? Have you considered moving abroad before?
I’m from the US and I’ve always wanted to live in Mexico 🇲🇽 although I’ve haven’t visited many cities there. Only Tijuana, Cozumel, and Ensenada. I feel I like the culture. I’ve also considered Canada 🇨🇦 the UK 🇬🇧 and Italy 🇮🇹. Never been to either, I just like what I see from here.
Oh neat, I'm actually in Mexico right now. I considered living here for a brief stint as well.
What is the main thing stopping you from being able to leave, Grace?
*Gracie
Well, mainly I would say finances. I don’t have anything saved to relocate out the country and I still have another 7 years before retirement. So I figured if I stated trying to save now, and maybe go visit a few of the locations I mentioned just to get a feel, then I can make a decision as to where I think I might want to be. I don’t want to have to look for employment abroad. Unless I start my own business before retirement.
That sounds like a good plan Gracie!
When I moved into the van, I was looking for freedom.
I found it.
The beaches and the sunsets were just bonus.
Yes! Where did you take that van? Got any photos?! It's always been a dream of mine to convert a van or old school bus.
From Utah to Arizona to Texas to Oregon, Washington, then all the way Rhode Island (best food!), then down the East Coast, down to Florida, back up to Rhode Island, back to Florida, then Texas, then Oregon, Washington, and South Dakota, back to Texas, then back to Oregon, then Washington, then back to Texas. It took 3 1/2 years.
I can't seem to attach pictures in replies.
That sounds amazing! Did you post about it? I can check out a link! Would love to hear more about it.
I do not have a post. I have handwritten log books. https://substack.com/@mistysbledsoe/note/c-94246832?r=ktnic
I’ve been in France for almost 22 years and many of my friends and family think I live a charmed life. 😂 It’s a wonderful life, but full of challenges and frustration. And such joy. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I really enjoyed reading your perspective. Thank you.
Thanks Jennifer! I'm glad it was an enjoyable read.
Where in France do you live? 22 years is a long time indeed. Have you been in the same place the whole time?
I lived in a village of 400 people in the Languedoc Roussillon for 8 years, then in Bayeux in Normandy for a few years and have been in Paris for the last 10 years.
Wow such wildly different places! What has been your fav?
They are all SO different. That is almost impossible to answer. For now however, Paris is fabulous!
Nothing like a good impossible to answer question to get your brain goin eh! 😅 So happy to hear you're in a place that you love. How wonderful.
I love the honesty of this. Whenever I tell people back in the UK that I live in Italy they think I am living a dream. Many things are better here, (some worse), and I miss my family back home, but it's reality, not a dream. Where is your husband from in Scotland? My husband is Scottish too!
Exactly, you still have bills to pay and everyday headaches, they are just different ones!
Hubby is from Edinburgh! How about yours?
yeah, definitely different! He's from Ayr.
Oh I've been to Ayr! Beautiful ❤️
Really great post Kaila.
So glad you liked it, Megan!
Thanks for the restack, Denise!
None of this applys to most elderly Americans. We are stuck. The government is threatening to steal our livelihood. I feel like I've been locked in a basement, and I don't know if I will ever be let out, or if anyone will feed me. It's dark in here.
Thanks. I'm in the process and this is really thoughtfully written and helpful reminder to ask the good/hard questions. I appreciate it.
Happy to be of service, Steve! Where are you thinking of heading to?
I fell in love with Lisbon and Porto (Portugal) a couple of years ago, but only spent a few days there. I'm planning to go back and see if this is just "vacation infatuation" or a deeper 'nudge' from the cosmos. :) Ideally, I'd love to find a smaller town to live in that still has relatively easy access to one of those larger cities. I live in a small town now, and really enjoy a lower pace of life.