These are such important questions you are raising, and I applaud you for doing so. Taking the heat and standing by your values and principles in the face of a mob is scary and destabilising. @Based in Paris actually invited one of her online bullies to a virtual coffee to humanise herself, better understand him, and hopefully get him to tone down his attacks against her… he declined. It’s rough online, and as you say, a reflection of our shifting values and the decay of tolerance.
Wow that's a big move! Yes it's so important to humanise ourselves, which is a big reason I love Substack — it just feels more like real people are here.
The mobs are common on our little rock. I'm over the drama!
Finding the right balance between love of your "new home" and "being part of" seems to befuddle many. Too many people want to leave their home country....become an expat....but expect their new home to be just like the one they left. They do not want to wait in lines or speak a new language...but they want to pay less to live a life that is untouchable to their neighbors. Then they want to exploit those same neighbors....Moving to a new new country means moving your mindset....thinking about those around you and how they perceive you......I agree with all sides of this discussion....locals should be mad, people should have respect....and people should question when things get out of control. Unfortunately, society, somewhere along the road fell off the curb....no one can talk to one another anymore. Although I think this chic was in the wrong...I think you are a stand up person to ask "why?"
We see it all the time here, particularly on the roads. It's like people left their brains in their country (something my son says all the time because my husband and I have developed a bit of road rage around it!). Like would you walk down the middle of a busy road holding hands with someone in your own country? Guessing not. 😅 And of course it manifests off the road too, in even more ugly ways.
Core values are not valuable to the global system. It is up to us, starting in our home. Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh was asked by a student: How can we create peace in the world? Thich Nature Hanh answered with a question. How are things in your home, is there peace there? The same goes for all core values - personal responsability spreads out. 💞
"It asks for restraint. For self-awareness. For the humility to know that we’re not just passing through people’s landscapes — we’re entering their memories, their livelihoods, their sense of safety.
And when we fail — which we all do, in small and sometimes spectacular ways — it asks us to return not with shame, or deflection, or denial, but with the willingness to listen. To repair."
So wise and well applied to this story, Kaila. Well done, my friend. This really strikes a big chord. Living here in Bali - and just returning from living in Japan (I'm Canadian) I'm trying on the different lenses too as I make observations and feel discomforts. I wanted to tell two dudes on scooters, in Ubud, to put their shirts on, and not take them off until they see a local driving around the town shirtless. I just watched the thought, stayed silent. Wondered what I wanted to achieve, and if this impulse was helping? The judgement and irritation lenses slide on so easily, I have to remind myself that kindness, humility and curiosity are the ones I really want to look through.
Yeah I've chilled on the righteousness too. Also asking myself what's to be gained. Apparently that Scorpio full moon knocked a lot of us off our high horses!
This stopped me. I’ve been slow traveling for the past year, and I feel every word of this. The difference between passing through and truly arriving. Between curiosity and consequence.
I’ve made mistakes abroad. Quiet ones. Clumsy ones. The kind that remind me I’m not just in someone’s landscape… I’m brushing up against their memories, their boundaries, their stories.
Your line about repair over spectacle? That’s going on my wall. We need more people asking these questions with open hands instead of pointed fingers. Thank you.
I see where you’re coming from. People might not be ready to listen to your points, but I do get it. I don’t know much about that culture, but it sounds like as with here, people are triggered by entitlement attitudes.
Look at what America is like. We have so many people who think they have entitlement rights over women and minorities and the impoverished. It’s awful. I can’t even with the deportation stuff. That’s its own angering thing that’s making the entitled more confident in their delusions.
And while not everyone who tends to be of the sort who act entitled are not the same, thank god or I’d never have another date again, it’s triggering. I mean, consider those entitled man-boys on Twitter (which I’m no longer on) who say things like “your body, my choice” or whatever that rape-centric quip is. I can’t tell you how many men have been OFFENDED because I wasn’t interested. And some have become verbally abusive (which it’s always nice to see the mask come off early on).
Maybe she was having a bad time. But maybe she was also an entitled brat who got what I would love to see the entitled people in this country get—called out. Because if all she was asked to do was take her shoes off and she became rude, well, I mean, yeah, I get there are multiple perspectives, but she created her own mess. And sure, maybe she was having a hard time or a really bad day. I know I’ve been horrible when I’ve been in certain traumatized mental and emotional states. And maybe she was young. I had a lot less self control in my 20s, and while that’s still not an excuse, I know that it takes time to outgrow that antiquated sense of entitlement bred by culture. But again—it’s her mess, just as mine were my own, and the only way out is through. Accountability. Maturity. No excuses.
So, I’m not disagreeing with your take because even monsters have origin stories that often involve them being hurt in some way, even if it’s just indoctrinated prejudice and hatred (fear) toward others. But perhaps it was too soon to defend her humanity when she was being so blatantly dismissive of others’ humanities. I feel that entitlement is one of the great gulfs that divides humanity, and it’s reached such a fissure that people who have just “taken it” are standing up and exposing these people and their behavior. Because there have been no other consequences that have forced them to be decent human beings otherwise.
I’m trying to play this out in my mind—like what if some English person came to the US and was like, “I can do whatever I bloody well please. We built this country.” They’d sound like a jackass. Appropriately.
Thanks so much for this thoughtful comment, Amy — I really feel the weight and honesty in what you’re saying. And yeah, entitlement is such a charged thing. It’s everywhere right now, and people are rightly sick of it. I totally get that urge to call it out, especially when it feels like people have been getting away with terrible behaviour for far too long.
For me, the tricky part — and the reason I made the TikTok — was that it felt like we skipped straight from “this was awful” to “hunt her down.” I wasn’t defending what she said at all. But I was trying to ask, like… is there a way to hold someone accountable without completely dehumanising them? Because once we go full mob mode, I think we stop making anything better — we just shift the harm around.
I get the questioning of her humanity so soon, especially when she wasn’t showing much of it herself in that moment. But I keep thinking: if we only defend each other’s humanity when it’s easy, are we really doing anything radical at all?
Anyway, I so appreciate you taking the time to really sit with all the layers here. These are the conversations that keep me thinking, too. ❤️
In no way do I feel that—even if she is just the worst—should she be hunted or abused for her behavior. That’s where we have to be forgiving and remember that at some point, we have all been entitled assholes.
Even the poorest among us. I know a young man who continues returning to his mother’s abuse but who after begging for money, which I tried to help a few times, but I’m just enabling him to continue his patterns, so I said “no”, he says he will just rob someone. I said I hope that’s not true, but if he feels he has the right to do that, he is no less entitled-acting than the elitists. What a shock to the impoverished that they, too, can act entitled. It’s not exclusive to white people or people who have had a cush ride. That lout I dated a lifetime ago acted entitled toward me because he chose to sell blow and “party his nuts off” until his mid-30s while I put my passion for travel on the back burner and pursued degrees and the path I was told would reap rewards. I worked my ass off for my lovely life, and so to have someone suggest I got “lucky” is just pathetic and lazy and trashy.
But despite that, do I think harm should befall that person or the young man? No. I do not. I think they need to be held accountably legally for any illegal actions they take or have taken, and I think that they need to learn to hold themselves accountable, but that’s a personal choice.
Unfortunately, there will always be people who are awful. And as much as it saddens me (equally as much as there are people who choose to be dickheads (that guy seriously used to say “I know I’m an asshole” like assaholism is a fixed condition)) will also choose violence. The irony is the ones who feel entitled to enact violence because of something someone said are likely the same ones who are equally as likely to commit the offense they’re railing again.
This usually happens because these people are trying to deflect the shame they feel at their own horrible entitled thoughts and actions. Just one more example (sorry to keep using the same guy, but I have a grab bag of examples of endless toxicity as I reflect on the many things he said). In Montgomery, AL, a racist brawl wherein an entitled white boater refused to move his illegally parked boat at the pier where the steamboat parks. They were waiting for this man. Finally, an employee went to move the boat if I’m not mistaken. The drunk redneck and his entourage came back and began attacking the employee. Others joined in and it was a to-do. Some white women who inserted themselves into the fray were hit by folding chairs (so, basically, it was the last 10 minutes of a Baptist committee meeting), and I remember the white men were losing their shit.
Um, may I point out that the ex I was with at the time had already physically assaulted me but was losing his mind because Black men hit white women when they got in the way. I am not even sure they were hit intentionally. I’m not saying it’s okay. None of that was, but the absolute gall of criticizing assault when you’ve committed assault is revolting. People need to learn to shut up and judge not and forgive. (And note that I do forgive him, but I still am going to use him in the same way Stevie Nicks used her dirt bag ex. Like, she made him play backup for songs she said about what a pile of shit he was to her. I reserve the same artistic rights. 😜 ) I digress.
So, in that regard, I would stand on that hill with you. Yeah, her conduct sucked, but who among us can say at all times we are better? And if we wouldn’t act out in the same way, what are the ways we do act out that are unjust? Because I feel sure there are such behaviors.
I'm not anti Israeli, but in my four decades of traveling they are the on another level of worst tourist encounters. Twenty years ago in Asia, it was common to see signs that said "No Israelis." These Asians who posted the signs had no clue about Israeli, Judaism, or their history, only that they have been treated like dirt.
I think your mistake was inserting yourself into the situation, which was the writerly (or TikTokly) equivalent of pouring benzene on a fire. As for her being just a human, a woman, and all that stuff: yes, but you could say the same thing about any of the scores of revenge video posts made by Israelis of cafes and restaurants owned by people proudly flying Palestinian flags. The fact is, social media is being used by ALL sides now to manipulate and polarize the world, and actually, I think the best strategy is to NOT engage in the hopes it will pass somehow
Yeah for sure, though I don't see it as a mistake. I didn't take offence to the backlash I got. I saw it for what it was: the residual heat of a fiery topic.
Sadly, it doesn't look like anything is passing by, and I think looking at issues directly in the face and taking them head on is the only way to hope for a better future! Just my two cents, though I agree but if you can't work out a way to turn social media into an advantage, it's definitely best avoided.
Kayla, thanks for writing this with compassion and an open mind.
I can’t help but wonder if this has little to do with Israelis in Thailand and good manners being a foreigner in another country and *everything* to do with Internet mobs, and the rage people throw at someone for what would’ve otherwise been a negative altercation leading to a bad day.
How would any of us feel if someone caught our worst moment on camera?
(PS- something tells me the vitriol this woman received has a lot to do with her nationality and ethnicity….)
I honestly think it's a combination of the two. This is definitely an issue that ignites people here, on all sides. And there is definitely a mob mentality. Which just made it explode in an even more spectacular way!
I went through the whole process of emotions reading it.
Mostly because I'm an Israeli who just relocated to Prague this week, partly because of similar behaviors to those you describe and I already see it with expats living here.
But it is so wonderful that you took the time to look at this from a different angle.
It is maybe relevant that the girl is Israeli, because I understand that there may be more cultural misunderstandings or disrespect from Israeli (Middle Easterners?) than from tourists from other countries. Not sure about that. Could also having to do with other considerations. But why is it relevant that the girl is white? Same reasons?
This was just something I noticed in your very interesting piece. I would not care so much about other (probably less informed) people’s online reactions, but then again I don’t use social media (except Substack). Thanks for your post!
Yes, I do think her being Israeli is part of why this moment hit such a nerve here — there’s a long and complex relationship between Koh Phangan and the Israeli community, and some underlying tensions that this video brought to the surface. I’m still sitting with how race plays into it too. I think her being white probably shaped how people interpreted her comment — maybe it added to the sense of entitlement, or maybe it just made it easier to project things onto her.
Really appreciate you picking up on those layers — and for engaging with the piece so generously.
Long time tourist (27 years) to Thailand and very aware of my privilege of being able to go there regularly. Aware but not ashamed. I just try to be mindful and respectful of people and customs. Works at home also. Interesting discussion!
This was very interesting to read, I fully agree! Also from the perspective or someone working in high-end hospitality, I see entitlement and ignorance on a daily basis. Customers get angry with me because customs are different here than in their home country (we don't serve filter coffee, no smoking inside, the way they speak to women, etc.). It's infuriating, but in these real life encounters I can often defuse the tension with a joke or by saying something firm but empathetic. They often realize on their own that their behavior was disrespectful and end up apologizing or changing their tone. Videos posted and discussed online lack this kind of context (not that her behavior was in any way excusable).
Good for you for working out a way to subtly encourage a change in entitled behaviour, Audrey. Maybe interesting for a future post would be some tips on how you do it!
We have tensions in my wealthy country too (Canada). The municipal government of my hometown let people who do not reside in Canada buy up local property — for years. Locals are priced out and condos sit empty. So there’s a global aspect to this … it doesn’t just involve tourist sectors/developing economies. I consider it a poor governance situation and the answers will come from better policy decisions.
Yes that's an excellent point, Liya. It's happening all over. Hopefully with the increased global mobility, it will give governments the motivation to make more thoughtful decisions.
I really appreciated your thoughtful take Kalia. I agree that something culturally has shifted and people have lost the ability for nuance and instead chase the adrenaline or dopamine rush of unleashing on someone. There’s a whole rage-bait phenomenon with these viral videos.
But I also think there’s a broader unease in general. People are feeling unhappy and disconnected and disenfranchised, but instead of aiming these legitimate frustrations at governments, and systems, and capitalism it’s easier to unleash your negative feelings on someone who behaved like an asshole. But then the broader issues never get discussed and addressed and we all become calcified in our angry state.
Oh yes that's a great point. Misdirected anger. And it's probably coming out even nastier and with more force because people feel such a growing divide between the elites and those in control, and the rest of us.
Loved this. It hits a soft, blistery, hurting spot within. I have sensed it so many times, seen it personally - the period of covid made it explodes. We sense and see it globally. This superiority, arrogance, total lack of respect that comes from believing that we know the truth. That our belief is the Truth, the only one. We are so absolute in our beliefs that it triggers so much added drama, often scary and violent. But I ask: why not communicate instead. Why not approach a human being with a conversation instead of an accusation. The truth is that we never know what is going on inside another. The truth is that we all so dumb things sometimes, say the wrong things, forget to think before.
I love this: "But sometimes, when we are our worst selves, that’s when we need each other the most."
Eckhart Tolle says that ego cannot distinguish between a situation and its interpretazione of and reaction to that situation.
This world needs more humility, respect, and love. If we continue to assume instead of clarify, we will all be throwing stones at each other, maybe for a difference in culture, maybe for misinterpretation, maybe for a bad mood, maybe for a second when we winked instead of thought. Thanks Kaila. 💕
I feel that how people feel about Israel is involved in all this. She fits an image many people already had about what Israel means.
For sure preconceptions and blatant racism all played a role here.
These are such important questions you are raising, and I applaud you for doing so. Taking the heat and standing by your values and principles in the face of a mob is scary and destabilising. @Based in Paris actually invited one of her online bullies to a virtual coffee to humanise herself, better understand him, and hopefully get him to tone down his attacks against her… he declined. It’s rough online, and as you say, a reflection of our shifting values and the decay of tolerance.
Wow that's a big move! Yes it's so important to humanise ourselves, which is a big reason I love Substack — it just feels more like real people are here.
The mobs are common on our little rock. I'm over the drama!
Right?! I used the term expat once on BlueSky, and the mob lost its collective damn mind. Yawn.
Finding the right balance between love of your "new home" and "being part of" seems to befuddle many. Too many people want to leave their home country....become an expat....but expect their new home to be just like the one they left. They do not want to wait in lines or speak a new language...but they want to pay less to live a life that is untouchable to their neighbors. Then they want to exploit those same neighbors....Moving to a new new country means moving your mindset....thinking about those around you and how they perceive you......I agree with all sides of this discussion....locals should be mad, people should have respect....and people should question when things get out of control. Unfortunately, society, somewhere along the road fell off the curb....no one can talk to one another anymore. Although I think this chic was in the wrong...I think you are a stand up person to ask "why?"
Yup! It's such a hot button issue rn and there are no clear answers. And talking about it will help us gain a better rounded understanding.
Its truly something within society the last few years (not specified to any culture)
But when did respect/manners go out the window?
If you wouldn’t treat your neighborhood cafe that way, why would you go to a completely different country treat strangers like that?
Especially in such a respectful country like Thailand.
Anyways, hopefully she’ll learn her lesson.
We see it all the time here, particularly on the roads. It's like people left their brains in their country (something my son says all the time because my husband and I have developed a bit of road rage around it!). Like would you walk down the middle of a busy road holding hands with someone in your own country? Guessing not. 😅 And of course it manifests off the road too, in even more ugly ways.
Core values are not valuable to the global system. It is up to us, starting in our home. Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh was asked by a student: How can we create peace in the world? Thich Nature Hanh answered with a question. How are things in your home, is there peace there? The same goes for all core values - personal responsability spreads out. 💞
THESE WORDS!!
"It asks for restraint. For self-awareness. For the humility to know that we’re not just passing through people’s landscapes — we’re entering their memories, their livelihoods, their sense of safety.
And when we fail — which we all do, in small and sometimes spectacular ways — it asks us to return not with shame, or deflection, or denial, but with the willingness to listen. To repair."
So wise and well applied to this story, Kaila. Well done, my friend. This really strikes a big chord. Living here in Bali - and just returning from living in Japan (I'm Canadian) I'm trying on the different lenses too as I make observations and feel discomforts. I wanted to tell two dudes on scooters, in Ubud, to put their shirts on, and not take them off until they see a local driving around the town shirtless. I just watched the thought, stayed silent. Wondered what I wanted to achieve, and if this impulse was helping? The judgement and irritation lenses slide on so easily, I have to remind myself that kindness, humility and curiosity are the ones I really want to look through.
Love this article! Keep shining the light.
Yeah I've chilled on the righteousness too. Also asking myself what's to be gained. Apparently that Scorpio full moon knocked a lot of us off our high horses!
This stopped me. I’ve been slow traveling for the past year, and I feel every word of this. The difference between passing through and truly arriving. Between curiosity and consequence.
I’ve made mistakes abroad. Quiet ones. Clumsy ones. The kind that remind me I’m not just in someone’s landscape… I’m brushing up against their memories, their boundaries, their stories.
Your line about repair over spectacle? That’s going on my wall. We need more people asking these questions with open hands instead of pointed fingers. Thank you.
Oh I'm so glad it resonated! And yes that's right -- we ALL make mistakes and it's important to embrace our imperfection too and adjust accordingly.
This is a fantastic piece--thank you for your openness as you wrestle with these difficult questions
Thanks for your kind words, Rebecca! I'm happy to share.
I see where you’re coming from. People might not be ready to listen to your points, but I do get it. I don’t know much about that culture, but it sounds like as with here, people are triggered by entitlement attitudes.
Look at what America is like. We have so many people who think they have entitlement rights over women and minorities and the impoverished. It’s awful. I can’t even with the deportation stuff. That’s its own angering thing that’s making the entitled more confident in their delusions.
And while not everyone who tends to be of the sort who act entitled are not the same, thank god or I’d never have another date again, it’s triggering. I mean, consider those entitled man-boys on Twitter (which I’m no longer on) who say things like “your body, my choice” or whatever that rape-centric quip is. I can’t tell you how many men have been OFFENDED because I wasn’t interested. And some have become verbally abusive (which it’s always nice to see the mask come off early on).
Maybe she was having a bad time. But maybe she was also an entitled brat who got what I would love to see the entitled people in this country get—called out. Because if all she was asked to do was take her shoes off and she became rude, well, I mean, yeah, I get there are multiple perspectives, but she created her own mess. And sure, maybe she was having a hard time or a really bad day. I know I’ve been horrible when I’ve been in certain traumatized mental and emotional states. And maybe she was young. I had a lot less self control in my 20s, and while that’s still not an excuse, I know that it takes time to outgrow that antiquated sense of entitlement bred by culture. But again—it’s her mess, just as mine were my own, and the only way out is through. Accountability. Maturity. No excuses.
So, I’m not disagreeing with your take because even monsters have origin stories that often involve them being hurt in some way, even if it’s just indoctrinated prejudice and hatred (fear) toward others. But perhaps it was too soon to defend her humanity when she was being so blatantly dismissive of others’ humanities. I feel that entitlement is one of the great gulfs that divides humanity, and it’s reached such a fissure that people who have just “taken it” are standing up and exposing these people and their behavior. Because there have been no other consequences that have forced them to be decent human beings otherwise.
I’m trying to play this out in my mind—like what if some English person came to the US and was like, “I can do whatever I bloody well please. We built this country.” They’d sound like a jackass. Appropriately.
Thanks so much for this thoughtful comment, Amy — I really feel the weight and honesty in what you’re saying. And yeah, entitlement is such a charged thing. It’s everywhere right now, and people are rightly sick of it. I totally get that urge to call it out, especially when it feels like people have been getting away with terrible behaviour for far too long.
For me, the tricky part — and the reason I made the TikTok — was that it felt like we skipped straight from “this was awful” to “hunt her down.” I wasn’t defending what she said at all. But I was trying to ask, like… is there a way to hold someone accountable without completely dehumanising them? Because once we go full mob mode, I think we stop making anything better — we just shift the harm around.
I get the questioning of her humanity so soon, especially when she wasn’t showing much of it herself in that moment. But I keep thinking: if we only defend each other’s humanity when it’s easy, are we really doing anything radical at all?
Anyway, I so appreciate you taking the time to really sit with all the layers here. These are the conversations that keep me thinking, too. ❤️
In no way do I feel that—even if she is just the worst—should she be hunted or abused for her behavior. That’s where we have to be forgiving and remember that at some point, we have all been entitled assholes.
Even the poorest among us. I know a young man who continues returning to his mother’s abuse but who after begging for money, which I tried to help a few times, but I’m just enabling him to continue his patterns, so I said “no”, he says he will just rob someone. I said I hope that’s not true, but if he feels he has the right to do that, he is no less entitled-acting than the elitists. What a shock to the impoverished that they, too, can act entitled. It’s not exclusive to white people or people who have had a cush ride. That lout I dated a lifetime ago acted entitled toward me because he chose to sell blow and “party his nuts off” until his mid-30s while I put my passion for travel on the back burner and pursued degrees and the path I was told would reap rewards. I worked my ass off for my lovely life, and so to have someone suggest I got “lucky” is just pathetic and lazy and trashy.
But despite that, do I think harm should befall that person or the young man? No. I do not. I think they need to be held accountably legally for any illegal actions they take or have taken, and I think that they need to learn to hold themselves accountable, but that’s a personal choice.
Unfortunately, there will always be people who are awful. And as much as it saddens me (equally as much as there are people who choose to be dickheads (that guy seriously used to say “I know I’m an asshole” like assaholism is a fixed condition)) will also choose violence. The irony is the ones who feel entitled to enact violence because of something someone said are likely the same ones who are equally as likely to commit the offense they’re railing again.
This usually happens because these people are trying to deflect the shame they feel at their own horrible entitled thoughts and actions. Just one more example (sorry to keep using the same guy, but I have a grab bag of examples of endless toxicity as I reflect on the many things he said). In Montgomery, AL, a racist brawl wherein an entitled white boater refused to move his illegally parked boat at the pier where the steamboat parks. They were waiting for this man. Finally, an employee went to move the boat if I’m not mistaken. The drunk redneck and his entourage came back and began attacking the employee. Others joined in and it was a to-do. Some white women who inserted themselves into the fray were hit by folding chairs (so, basically, it was the last 10 minutes of a Baptist committee meeting), and I remember the white men were losing their shit.
Um, may I point out that the ex I was with at the time had already physically assaulted me but was losing his mind because Black men hit white women when they got in the way. I am not even sure they were hit intentionally. I’m not saying it’s okay. None of that was, but the absolute gall of criticizing assault when you’ve committed assault is revolting. People need to learn to shut up and judge not and forgive. (And note that I do forgive him, but I still am going to use him in the same way Stevie Nicks used her dirt bag ex. Like, she made him play backup for songs she said about what a pile of shit he was to her. I reserve the same artistic rights. 😜 ) I digress.
So, in that regard, I would stand on that hill with you. Yeah, her conduct sucked, but who among us can say at all times we are better? And if we wouldn’t act out in the same way, what are the ways we do act out that are unjust? Because I feel sure there are such behaviors.
I'm not anti Israeli, but in my four decades of traveling they are the on another level of worst tourist encounters. Twenty years ago in Asia, it was common to see signs that said "No Israelis." These Asians who posted the signs had no clue about Israeli, Judaism, or their history, only that they have been treated like dirt.
Yeah a lot of sentences on Koh Phangan start with those same 5 words...
I think your mistake was inserting yourself into the situation, which was the writerly (or TikTokly) equivalent of pouring benzene on a fire. As for her being just a human, a woman, and all that stuff: yes, but you could say the same thing about any of the scores of revenge video posts made by Israelis of cafes and restaurants owned by people proudly flying Palestinian flags. The fact is, social media is being used by ALL sides now to manipulate and polarize the world, and actually, I think the best strategy is to NOT engage in the hopes it will pass somehow
Yeah for sure, though I don't see it as a mistake. I didn't take offence to the backlash I got. I saw it for what it was: the residual heat of a fiery topic.
Sadly, it doesn't look like anything is passing by, and I think looking at issues directly in the face and taking them head on is the only way to hope for a better future! Just my two cents, though I agree but if you can't work out a way to turn social media into an advantage, it's definitely best avoided.
Kayla, thanks for writing this with compassion and an open mind.
I can’t help but wonder if this has little to do with Israelis in Thailand and good manners being a foreigner in another country and *everything* to do with Internet mobs, and the rage people throw at someone for what would’ve otherwise been a negative altercation leading to a bad day.
How would any of us feel if someone caught our worst moment on camera?
(PS- something tells me the vitriol this woman received has a lot to do with her nationality and ethnicity….)
I honestly think it's a combination of the two. This is definitely an issue that ignites people here, on all sides. And there is definitely a mob mentality. Which just made it explode in an even more spectacular way!
This is a wonderful piece.
I went through the whole process of emotions reading it.
Mostly because I'm an Israeli who just relocated to Prague this week, partly because of similar behaviors to those you describe and I already see it with expats living here.
But it is so wonderful that you took the time to look at this from a different angle.
Thank you for this.
Thanks for your comment! How exciting about your recent move to Prague. How do you find the city? Do you feel welcome?
Most welcome, so glad the post resonated.
Prague is beautiful.
But, of course, we are stuck in the first stages of bureaucracy and being first-time foreigners :-)
I'm sure it will take some time...
Of course! Hope the red tape isn't too much and you have time to sink into the excitement that comes with getting to know your new home. 😍
Just added you to our database of Substack writers who write about living abroad, Adi! https://open.substack.com/pub/girlsguidetolivingabroad/p/living-abroad-locales-database
Whoops wrong link 😅 https://open.substack.com/pub/girlsguidetolivingabroad/p/giant-database-of-substack-writers-living-abroad
Yay! Thanks so
Much;)
It is maybe relevant that the girl is Israeli, because I understand that there may be more cultural misunderstandings or disrespect from Israeli (Middle Easterners?) than from tourists from other countries. Not sure about that. Could also having to do with other considerations. But why is it relevant that the girl is white? Same reasons?
This was just something I noticed in your very interesting piece. I would not care so much about other (probably less informed) people’s online reactions, but then again I don’t use social media (except Substack). Thanks for your post!
Yes, I do think her being Israeli is part of why this moment hit such a nerve here — there’s a long and complex relationship between Koh Phangan and the Israeli community, and some underlying tensions that this video brought to the surface. I’m still sitting with how race plays into it too. I think her being white probably shaped how people interpreted her comment — maybe it added to the sense of entitlement, or maybe it just made it easier to project things onto her.
Really appreciate you picking up on those layers — and for engaging with the piece so generously.
Long time tourist (27 years) to Thailand and very aware of my privilege of being able to go there regularly. Aware but not ashamed. I just try to be mindful and respectful of people and customs. Works at home also. Interesting discussion!
This was very interesting to read, I fully agree! Also from the perspective or someone working in high-end hospitality, I see entitlement and ignorance on a daily basis. Customers get angry with me because customs are different here than in their home country (we don't serve filter coffee, no smoking inside, the way they speak to women, etc.). It's infuriating, but in these real life encounters I can often defuse the tension with a joke or by saying something firm but empathetic. They often realize on their own that their behavior was disrespectful and end up apologizing or changing their tone. Videos posted and discussed online lack this kind of context (not that her behavior was in any way excusable).
Good for you for working out a way to subtly encourage a change in entitled behaviour, Audrey. Maybe interesting for a future post would be some tips on how you do it!
We have tensions in my wealthy country too (Canada). The municipal government of my hometown let people who do not reside in Canada buy up local property — for years. Locals are priced out and condos sit empty. So there’s a global aspect to this … it doesn’t just involve tourist sectors/developing economies. I consider it a poor governance situation and the answers will come from better policy decisions.
Yes that's an excellent point, Liya. It's happening all over. Hopefully with the increased global mobility, it will give governments the motivation to make more thoughtful decisions.
I really appreciated your thoughtful take Kalia. I agree that something culturally has shifted and people have lost the ability for nuance and instead chase the adrenaline or dopamine rush of unleashing on someone. There’s a whole rage-bait phenomenon with these viral videos.
But I also think there’s a broader unease in general. People are feeling unhappy and disconnected and disenfranchised, but instead of aiming these legitimate frustrations at governments, and systems, and capitalism it’s easier to unleash your negative feelings on someone who behaved like an asshole. But then the broader issues never get discussed and addressed and we all become calcified in our angry state.
Oh yes that's a great point. Misdirected anger. And it's probably coming out even nastier and with more force because people feel such a growing divide between the elites and those in control, and the rest of us.
Loved this. It hits a soft, blistery, hurting spot within. I have sensed it so many times, seen it personally - the period of covid made it explodes. We sense and see it globally. This superiority, arrogance, total lack of respect that comes from believing that we know the truth. That our belief is the Truth, the only one. We are so absolute in our beliefs that it triggers so much added drama, often scary and violent. But I ask: why not communicate instead. Why not approach a human being with a conversation instead of an accusation. The truth is that we never know what is going on inside another. The truth is that we all so dumb things sometimes, say the wrong things, forget to think before.
I love this: "But sometimes, when we are our worst selves, that’s when we need each other the most."
Eckhart Tolle says that ego cannot distinguish between a situation and its interpretazione of and reaction to that situation.
This world needs more humility, respect, and love. If we continue to assume instead of clarify, we will all be throwing stones at each other, maybe for a difference in culture, maybe for misinterpretation, maybe for a bad mood, maybe for a second when we winked instead of thought. Thanks Kaila. 💕
Exactly! More humanity for humans! I want to help shape that world. We need a shift more than ever.